[ for some reason, his thoughts turn inwardly critical in a way even wriothesley knows doesn't match reality. why is he feeling like this? why can’t he simply recover, as he should? why does he feel so raw, so oversensitive, and almost abandoned despite being in perfectly safe hands? it is a spiral of thoughts that unsettles him badly enough that he nearly recoils when a gentle hand interrupts them and tips his chin upward, though he still feels the need to avert his gaze lest he feel too closely examined beneath too kind of a stare. ]
You make it sound so easy. [ because it really ought to be, to rely on someone else he trusts so readily. however, that becomes difficult when so many relationships and interactions have been governed by strategy, transaction, or bound by duty. meanwhile, the kinds of comforts and attachments he has allowed himself in karteria would hardly come to pass at all if not stripped of title and post, the sort of thing he might only reach for in retirement, when no one else has any real use for him. ] It's just... I'm not sure I can offer you the same confidence or support in return.
[ but it is a wonderful thing, to want and to enjoy, and more than that, to share it with someone, especially with neuvillette. so while it takes him a moment to stop fretting over the need to "repay" every scrap of affection offered to him, wriothesley does lift his gaze at last, trying to turn that worry into something closer to hope. ]
At least not as I am now. [ wriothesley keeps his chin in the cradle of neuvillette's palm for a moment longer, just long enough to feel a flicker of bashfulness when his wolf ears start to twitch erratically, and he ends up leaning back against the pillows to rub roughly at his face once more. ] Um, but I'll certainly try... for what it's worth.
[ having this sort of conversation with neuvillette is already teaching wriothesley something he doesn't easily allow himself to learn: that he can be seen at his most vulnerable, most inelegant, most needy, and still be met with reverence rather than treated as a burden or a disappointment. ]
Sorry, what I'm feeling... [ and yet, even through his trembling exhaustion, wriothesley chances a delicate reach for neuvillette before calloused hands come to rest atop smooth, pale shoulders. despite the furrow in his brow as he tries to soothe himself by caressing his partner, it is obvious he wants to lean on neuvillette, even while his body and mind are caught in two different kinds of fatigue. ] It's just a lot.
( he's quick to tell him, sensing that wriothesley is retreating into himself. he might not be completely attuned to the subtleties of humans, but he's tuned in to wriothesley and his impulses, sensitive to how wriothesley is treading on unfamiliar ground and in a situation entirely opposed to everything that he has grown up trying to survive. )
I understand that it is not easy, especially for you.
( wriothesley has grown up in violence and strife, putting up his walls out of necessity. to be this vulnerable is certainly awakening a whole host of uncomfortable questions. neuvillete is quietly understanding, and he gently strokes his cheek, leaning in to nose his cheek, then pressing a soft, gentle kiss to his lips. )
But you are safe in my arms, I promise you. Close your eyes.
[ in a rare moment, wriothesley doesn't feel the urge to argue, offer some witty remark, or push back against the comfort being offered to him. although neuvillette can feel a bit of apprehension through their bond just as plainly as he can see the way wriothesley tries to reassure himself into accepting such sentiments. there's a nudge at the boundary of their emotions, like he's allowing himself to grow more familiar with neuvillette's affection all over again, or at least hold that tenderness in a new way that leaves him tense in the sheets for a moment. as though he's bracing against something worth raising all his walls and defenses for, before the pinch in his brow finally eases smooth and he sinks into the sheets like a puppet with its strings cut.
through their bond comes a slow trickle of warmth and something just as delicate, something wriothesley would probably describe as love if pressed hard enough. either way, tired arms come to wrap gently around neuvillette's waist as wriothesley gingerly offers more of his face with a small nudge and tilt of his chin, wordlessly asking for more of neuvillette's care. there's even a nod as he wills himself to believe those words, and the hold he has on neuvillette softens from clinging to him like a lifeline into something quieter, more intent on seeking caresses than holding on for dear life.
wriothesley even treats himself to a few steadying kisses as he finally gives in to the need to be close, and to be loved by neuvillette. ]
Stay with me? Until I wake up. [ he manages to confess, barely above a whisper by neuvillette's ear. ] I want to be close.
( perhaps it's something that neuvillette should be pleased about, when wriothesley finally yields to him without a glib word, or putting up a front. perhaps it's even more difficult when they're bound together like this, because he can feel the thrum of apprehension, roiling but muted. this is wriothesley, who has flourished despite the odds, who has depended solely on his independence, and neuvillette understands. the walls have always worked for him, taking him to greater heights, keeping him safe.
all wriothesley has to go on to give all of that up is neuvillette's word — an impossible thing, almost. he can feel it, the moment of trust, delicate and precious as a butterfly, tentative and fragile, and neuvillette can't help a warm swell of wonder and curiosity, limned with quiet patience. his kisses are tender, the lightest press of lips and tongue, arms looped around him to keep him nestled. i want to be close, wriothesley confesses, and his heart flutters.
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You make it sound so easy. [ because it really ought to be, to rely on someone else he trusts so readily. however, that becomes difficult when so many relationships and interactions have been governed by strategy, transaction, or bound by duty. meanwhile, the kinds of comforts and attachments he has allowed himself in karteria would hardly come to pass at all if not stripped of title and post, the sort of thing he might only reach for in retirement, when no one else has any real use for him. ] It's just... I'm not sure I can offer you the same confidence or support in return.
[ but it is a wonderful thing, to want and to enjoy, and more than that, to share it with someone, especially with neuvillette. so while it takes him a moment to stop fretting over the need to "repay" every scrap of affection offered to him, wriothesley does lift his gaze at last, trying to turn that worry into something closer to hope. ]
At least not as I am now. [ wriothesley keeps his chin in the cradle of neuvillette's palm for a moment longer, just long enough to feel a flicker of bashfulness when his wolf ears start to twitch erratically, and he ends up leaning back against the pillows to rub roughly at his face once more. ] Um, but I'll certainly try... for what it's worth.
[ having this sort of conversation with neuvillette is already teaching wriothesley something he doesn't easily allow himself to learn: that he can be seen at his most vulnerable, most inelegant, most needy, and still be met with reverence rather than treated as a burden or a disappointment. ]
Sorry, what I'm feeling... [ and yet, even through his trembling exhaustion, wriothesley chances a delicate reach for neuvillette before calloused hands come to rest atop smooth, pale shoulders. despite the furrow in his brow as he tries to soothe himself by caressing his partner, it is obvious he wants to lean on neuvillette, even while his body and mind are caught in two different kinds of fatigue. ] It's just a lot.
no subject
( he's quick to tell him, sensing that wriothesley is retreating into himself. he might not be completely attuned to the subtleties of humans, but he's tuned in to wriothesley and his impulses, sensitive to how wriothesley is treading on unfamiliar ground and in a situation entirely opposed to everything that he has grown up trying to survive. )
I understand that it is not easy, especially for you.
( wriothesley has grown up in violence and strife, putting up his walls out of necessity. to be this vulnerable is certainly awakening a whole host of uncomfortable questions. neuvillete is quietly understanding, and he gently strokes his cheek, leaning in to nose his cheek, then pressing a soft, gentle kiss to his lips. )
But you are safe in my arms, I promise you. Close your eyes.
no subject
through their bond comes a slow trickle of warmth and something just as delicate, something wriothesley would probably describe as love if pressed hard enough. either way, tired arms come to wrap gently around neuvillette's waist as wriothesley gingerly offers more of his face with a small nudge and tilt of his chin, wordlessly asking for more of neuvillette's care. there's even a nod as he wills himself to believe those words, and the hold he has on neuvillette softens from clinging to him like a lifeline into something quieter, more intent on seeking caresses than holding on for dear life.
wriothesley even treats himself to a few steadying kisses as he finally gives in to the need to be close, and to be loved by neuvillette. ]
Stay with me? Until I wake up. [ he manages to confess, barely above a whisper by neuvillette's ear. ] I want to be close.
🎀
all wriothesley has to go on to give all of that up is neuvillette's word — an impossible thing, almost. he can feel it, the moment of trust, delicate and precious as a butterfly, tentative and fragile, and neuvillette can't help a warm swell of wonder and curiosity, limned with quiet patience. his kisses are tender, the lightest press of lips and tongue, arms looped around him to keep him nestled. i want to be close, wriothesley confesses, and his heart flutters.
love, he thinks. this might be love. )